


Squad Bonding 2: King Snake

by LyingTurtle



Series: Squad Bonding [2]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Cold Fetish, Gay Jacobi, Jacobi and Maxwell are Besties, Lesbian Maxwell, M/M, orinthophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9198335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyingTurtle/pseuds/LyingTurtle
Summary: Second part of the Squad Bonding series, takes place a bit after the first story.  The team gets assigned another mission, this one being less run of the mill and more demanding.  Kepler realizes that he doesn't like how well his teammates get along and does something about it.





	1. Chapter 1

“Echo…  _ scorpion _ ” you offer, pausing a moment on the path to take in the view of the endless woods sprawling around you in either direction.  Large firs and all manner of evergreens dotted the landscape next to open faces of granite and other stones.  The air of your breath turned to steam before it even left your lips, and despite the several layers padding you down you could still feel the chill creep into your bones.

Kepler plants the small transmitter device beneath a particularly well endowed bush, switching the device on and then moving the underbrush around to help cover it.

“One four seven point one eight four, five seven point two two.  And that's not a code name, just military alphabet” you write down the coordinates for the transmitter and then tuck the paper back into your camouflage pockets.

“Well I don't want to just be scorpion, they're practically spiders”

“They're arachnids right?  That means they are spiders”

“No see, all spiders are arachnids, but not all arachnids are spiders” he started hiking again, moving down the tough terrain like it was flat land.  You had to pick your paths a bit more carefully, but you did notice that he'd glance back occasionally to check on you.  He didn't slow down of course, but it was nice that he checked.

“So, how about  _ constrictor _ ” you're coming to a less mountainous part of the terrain so it's easier to walk beside him now.

“Just makes me think of a bad tie” he squints a bit at the name and thought.

“Not a boa constrictor?”

“How are you anything like a boa constrictor?”

“Cause I...hmm”

“Actually, you are clingy”

“Ow”

“And suffocating”

“Okay I get the picture”

“You eat everything in one bite”

“I do not!”

“And you lay around in the sun a lot”

“Just because I don't have some weird fetish for freezing to death on a mountain doesn't mean I'm a fucking reptile” he's grinning now as you two approach the cabin seated nicely in the absolute middle of nowhere.

“It's not that weird of a fetish” he shrugs, kicking his shoes against the side of the house to shake off debris before going inside.  You're left standing outside with a vague sense of whiplash.

“What?!”


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as you walk in you're taken back a minute.  Not only is it  _ freezing _ , but there is a large pile of tech laying on the floor in a circle around Maxwell as she huddles inside of it, her jacket hood up and snow boots on despite being inside.

“Home sweet motherboard” You mutter, taking off your coat and hanging it up on the rack by the door.

“Daniel, the fireplace isn't working, I would  _ really _ appreciate if you could help me with that” she begged through chattering teeth.  You regretted taking off your jacket now, it was almost as cold inside as it was out.

“Maxwell why is everything sitting out?  I told you to unpack” Kepler barks from the kitchen.

“I  _ tried _ !  But whoever loaded up the back of the car put Jacobi’s equipment on top of the foodstuffs so unless you want to be eating dynamite, I think it's probably safer to toss it out” Maxwell glares at you, Kepler glares at Maxwell, you really aren't sure where to look but dammit it is  _ not _ your fault this time.

“I said we should have put them in the back seat!” You immediately argue, making everyone else pipe up into a thrall of blame.

“Maybe if  _ someone _ packed it correctly it wouldn't have leaked!”

“Why would you bring unsecured equipment?”

“Why would you package unsecured food?”

“Why would food need to be secured?”

“Maybe if someone hadn't driven like a maniac and taken every back road it wouldn't have burst”

“Oh please tell me if there's a better way to get to  _ rural _ towns in the  _ rural _ mountains without taking the  _ rural _ roads!”

“Maybe if someone unpacked gentler it wouldn't have burst!”

“ENOUGH!” Kepler shouted, stopping the argument that you'd like to point out he was a part of.  “This is not worth getting into a debate about.  We will replace what we need and that's it, and there will be no more discussion on the matter” he sets to work throwing out what was needed and putting away what could be saved.  You had learned that Kepler's idea of a ‘meal’ consisted of a bottled water and one to two protein energy bars.  He explained once that anything larger would make you want to sleep, and that it was better to eat in frequent small meals than one large one which could slow you down.  You however, feel that  _ not _ being hungry every second of the day while dealing with high intensity situations was not beneficial to your work.  It was one of the many micro arguments the two of you had run into during the transition from a small project team to a complex high stakes unit.

It hadn't even been a year since the team was whole but apparently whoever was in charge decided to do an accelerated field testing with your team.  The days of simple objectives in familiar territory were done, from here on out it was success or death.  Well, in Kepler's mind it seemed that way, you had yet to actually fail a mission straight out so you didn't know what happened.

The good news was that you had to bother less with the grunt of of mission planning.  Supplies contacting, background checking, communications testing, field experiments and drills, and worst of all were the fucking coordination meetings.  Every little thing had to be talked about and measured, different inputs weighed in and then orders from command to either change all of it or shut it all down.  The only job you never had to do was surveillance, which was by far the worst grunt work you had ever seen anyone go through.  It sort of reminded you of what you were doing now. 

You breathed onto the small ember you had at the bottom of your very efficient wood pile in the fireplace.  The ember breathed to life and soon started in on some of the smaller fodder you placed in there for it, a little bit of hand sanitizer combined with some logs doused in bug spray.  Needless to say the fire was rather colorful and came to life with vigor.

“You got the flue open?” Maxwell asked, immediately going to the fire like a moth to light.

“It's already open, see the chain is pulled all the way down” you hadn't figured out what part she was stuck on with the fire, you guessed she was just avoiding having to start it herself.

“But I looked inside, there was something covering it, I thought the little, uh, flap part thing was still down”

“Ah, well that's not good.  So um, you feel like holding a ladder for your best friend?” She rolls her eyes but is already getting up and getting her coat on.  The two of you head outside and find a ladder that doesn't look too much like a death trap out by the shed a little ways off from the cabin.  You make sure she is completely focused on holding it steady for you as you climb up to the top, balancing on the slanted roof and making your way over to the chimney to peer down into the internal workings.

“Can you throw me a stick?” You call.  You hear shuffling around for awhile before a very loud,

“Heads up!” Came just before a giant stick came soaring tip first towards your face.  You caught it at the last minute, having to lean back quickly before it could plant itself into you skull.

“Holy shit, did you do javelin in college or something?”

“Fencing actually, well, for a week.  Then dancing, for a week.  After that it was chess, debate, Jiu Jitsu, soccer, archery, model UN, kickball, acapella, lacrosse, thespian society, and I'm pretty sure art at some point.  It was only ever for a week though, I never liked the people very much so once the subject bored me the group had little left to offer me I left”

“Geez, when did you have time to date?”

“Haha, you're so funny Jacobi.  You know some of us graduated without having slept with half the campus”

“I didn't sleep with  _ half _ .  There were like, eight max, and that's barely anything considering some people!” She climbed up the ladder and leaned against the edge of the cabin, resting her head on her hands as you struck the stick down the chimney and tried to dislodge whatever was blocking the flue.  The conversation you had with Kepler came to your mind.  “Hey so, would it be crazy to think that Kepler has some weird kink or two hidden away?”

“You mean besides torture?” She sighed, mulling it over, “I guess.  I try not to imagine him having sex but I know we don't both share that habit” you flip her off and try get the angle better.  “Why do you ask?  During the day I mean and not when you're keeping me up every thirty minutes with some random theory about him.  Because you do know we've had this conversation before”

“Yeah yeah, but I was talking to him and I jokingly said he had a fetish for the cold-”

“What kind of conversation was this?”

“Irrelevant.  He sort of did that shrug ‘meh’ thing and was totally okay with it”

“Weird”

“It's more than weird!  Why would he let me know he had that in the first place if not to open some form of communication about this?”

“You may be reading too much into this.  He probably just felt like he needed to defend his sexuality to your judgy little mind”

“I'm not judgy!  I’m a freak in the sheets”

“Oh good god please never say that to me again” she laid her head down on the roof.

“What the hell is in here?” You jam the stick harder, working blind against the mass.  Suddenly there's a sound from inside the chute and you know it well enough from all the times it's haunted your nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

Your name is Warren Kepler.  You are the leader of SI-5 which consists of your technology specialist and your ballistics expert.  You are currently on month nine, day sixteen, and hour twelve of getting to know the team you very nearly killed to acquire.  You still have no clue who these people are.

A house shaking, ear ringing, lightning hiccup of a flash grenade just went off inside of the chimney.  Immediately you drop below the counter, grabbing the pistol on your hip.  Peering over you scan all the windows, doors, and skylights.  Nothing follows except a loud thud from outside the house that you managed to hear through the singing hum in your ears.

Keeping low, you move to the back door and kick it open, sweeping the area and finding no one but your two teammates laying in the grass looking like they just fell off a roof.  You notice the ladder laying in the grass.  Wait did they actually fall off a roof?

“The hell was that?” You bark.  Jacobi blinks a couple of times before sitting up, Maxwell half splayed over him trying to get her bearings as well, “Because I  _ know _ one of you didn't just throw a flash grenade down the chimney”

“Sir in all due respect, it was being blocked by a hostile entity!” There's a thud from the mouth of the chimney and you turn to see a very disoriented bird attempt to get up and out.

“A chimney swift?  You threw a grenade at a  _ songbird _ !?” You scream, appreciating the privacy that the woods gave you to do so.

“Sir it was only a flash-”

“DANIEL JACOBI” he shrinks three sizes in his already small frame, “Do I look like I am amused?”

“Sir-” Maxwell tries to start but you hold up a hand to silence her.

“... No”

“Well you're wrong.  In fact I am exceptionally amused, and I find this so entertaining that I think you should use all this energy you have not doing your job, to take the sixteen mile trek down to the facility tonight to scope out their shift change.  And I wouldn't bring any flash grenades if I were you, our wake up is at four, so they'd have all night to torture your sorry ass”

He looks down and mumble something.  You put your hand to your ear expectantly.  He sits up straight and says in a promptly uniform voice dripping with sarcasm,

“Yes sir, thank you sir” you turn around and go back inside.  Through the door you can hear the two of them talking, helping each other up.  There aren't many things that bother you in life, but hearing them twisting something up in you.  It makes you want to turn right around order him to do it twice but sensibility restrains you.  You know they don't understand you, they think you section off every emotion.  No, you enjoy your emotions, you don't pretend to have none, but you're too smart to be ruled or influenced by them.  Burning rage, euphoric happiness, you don't feel guilt for feeling them at what others may deem inappropriate times.  If getting a particularly good kill on an enemy then why shouldn't you feel happy?  You know it's there so what's the point in hiding it from yourself?  If watching your teammates have some weirdly close relationship that includes you none in the slightest makes you want to throw them both down a hill, why not accept it?  Only by accepting it are you able to do something about it.  Sometimes you feel like the only emotionally competent person on the planet.

You finish up sorting out equipment and really take a moment to appreciate the cabin.  Hotels were stuffy, living out of a car on a stakeout was painful to say the least, but a log cabin in the middle of pristine wilderness with forty minutes between you and everything else?  Perfect.  A thick wool rug in the middle of the living room, an open kitchen with real wood counters, two bedrooms with quilt heavy beds.  It was the sort of place you'd imagine owning as a vacation home.

Your teammates come back in, their spirits restored from whatever conversation they had without you.  Jacobi picks up his bag he tossed down by the door and immediately starts towards Maxwell's room to unpack.

“Jacobi, other room” you call before he can get through the door.  The two of them look at each other and then you with a very confused look.

“Sir?”

“You'll be sharing my quarters this mission”

“But me and Maxwell  _ always _ room together”

“And you  _ always _ end up talking late into the night and not getting enough sleep.  I warned you in Cancun that if you two didn't shut up I'd separate you”

“You also warned us that you'd break our fingers and toes one by one”

“Well there's still time for anything to happen.  Now I've decided this argument is over so go” there was the slightest twitch of nervousness in his shoulders as he moved into your room.  With them separated you follow Maxwell into her room, surprising her as she turned and found you there.

“Yes sir?” She questions, putting her bag underneath her bed and inspecting the small living conditions.  She's younger than both you and Jacobi but you know she could run laps around you mentally.  Brown hair that was everything from frizzy to sleek in a day.  She liked to keep her hair pinned back in a loose bun when she worked, but it was always hanging loose and rolling over her shoulders and back like an unending force when she was off the clock.

You only ever paid attention to her appearance when you thought it would be a problem making poor young men notice her and think they had a chance with her.  She could be very beautiful, but you also knew her to forsake every form of self care in favor of work for days on end, complete with sunken eyes and a starved but caffeinated look about her.  You weren't attracted to her, you knew that much about yourself.  Or more that you found her beautiful and appealing but you never found her attractive in the way that made you want her like the boys you chased off did.

Standing in front of her you realize that she and Jacobi are almost the exact same height save for maybe an inch.  She wants to retreat and get more space between you but she's not willing to initiate it.

“You haven't done much fieldwork in awhile” you state, putting a hand on both of her shoulders and turning her around from you.  She's deeply confused, her pulse is bounding under your fingers.  Before she can question you, you take out her crappy half hearted ponytail and set about getting her hair right.  You can tell she's more than shell shocked by the odd pitch her voice takes on.

“I suppose it hasn't been required?” She chooses not to ask what you're doing, a good sign for you.

“Are you afraid?”

“No”

“You do understand what will be expected of you, right?”

“I'm to disarm and terminate the AI system running the facility”

“Precisely” you wrap her hair around the tie and then tuck it inside, adjusting it until it looks right.  You're biding time, trying to get her to relax even a little.

“Do you think I'll have a problem?” There's a hint of offense in her voice.

“I  _ know _ you won't.  You rarely disappoint me, Alana” there's a small puff of laughter from her that doesn't fully turn into sound.

“Rarely still means it happens”

“And yet I'm proud of you” as soon as you say it her body tenses rigid and she has to move away, taking a large step towards the door.  She's clearing her throat, trying to dislodge whatever emotion was stuck in it.

“Sorry, the software needs to be checked, I need to make sure I remember that” she's in the living room fiddling with her computer equipment in seconds, completely immersed in her work.

You smirk to yourself, having found your new goal for this mission.  You had Jacobi figured out months ago and had been messing with him since, but you hadn't devoted anytime to picking apart Maxwell.  Everything had been in theory but now when you were sure more than ever it was time to get your team back under your reign, it was time to implement.


	4. Chapter 4

“Jacobi” Maxwell hisses, getting your attention out of your daze.  The two of you are staring at shelves of food that seem either outdated or in a brand you would never have guessed was real.  “I was trying to explain what happened but you keep floating off”

“Sorry it's just, well this is weird right?  Grocery shopping on a mission?  I mean we're here to kill people and everyone just assumes we’re some city people messing around in the woods”

“You've been the one doing fieldwork, working your way in, practicing the act, this should be normal to you”

“... Never had to go grocery shopping though” you mutter.  “Sorry, you were trying to tell me something?” She tried to keep back a small sigh, picking something up from the shelf that you know she wouldn't eat, examining it and then putting it back.

“Kepler was being weird, he started talking about the mission but he was playing with my hair, and then he said he was…  _ proud _ of me” she whispers it lower than your already whispered tone, her saucer eyes clearly express just how much that shook her.  You can't imagine having anywhere near the same reaction as her.

“Well he does like to control things, maybe he didn't like the way you had it up?”

“Jacobi, don't rationalize this, you know as well as I do that if it's strange and involves Kepler it means he's doing it on purpose” she starts off towards the check out, not appreciating your attempt.

You follow her over and find your boss standing as the only one by the register, a woman with dense eyebrows and even denser hair was taking the absolute slowest time to push the items across the scanner.  She looked like a frontier woman with her tough build and rolled up flannel shirt.  They were talking, and the woman was taking every opportunity to laugh or gasp and put down the item she was about to scan so as to make a dramatic point.  The worst part was it didn't seem to bother Kepler at all!  He just went along with it, though never really breaking out the dramatic responses she had, all he did was keep his voice low in that perfect smooth drawl he had and lean forwards more at times.

“Holy fuck, he's flirting” Maxwell whispered, unable to peel her eyes away from them.

“What?  No!  She's not even attractive, and she's being so dramatic it's annoying, and they're not even talking about anything important.  He's just trying to extract information from her”

“From a  _ cashier  _ an hour away from our location?”

“You never know what nosy small town folk will know.  Look at her, she's been holding that can since  _ forever  _ now, the boss is probably ready to kill her”

“She's twirling her hair on her finger, that's a pretty direct move.  I wonder what they're talking about”

“Information on the facility of course, he's probably just leaning in to make sure no one can overhear them”

“There’s no one else in this store, that man is flirting”

“You're wrong”

“You're in denial” she folded her arms and leaned back against the isle shelf to watch more comfortably.  You watched too intently, picking apart every part of her appearance, mannerisms, vocabulary, and everything in between.  Kepler wasn't flirting with her, she didn't know what the three of you went through or who you even were!  What kind of future woul he have with her?  Why would he waste his time and energy stringing her along when she wasn't even close to worth it?  You become aware of Alana watching you instead now.

“You're red”

“Am not”

“Whatever you say, firetruck” you jab her with your shoulder and she slaps you across the arm in return.  Apparently the smack is too loud because now your boss and the whore of Babylon are looking over at you.

“I'm sorry, are you both  _ five _ ?” You instinctively want to say she started it but you know that wouldn't go over well for you.  The woman must feel awkward now because she finishes her work quicker than ever.  Kepler hands her some money and she processes it without much ado.

Piling back into the car you can still feel Alana staring you down, her claim to being right about Kepler flirting boring into your back.  You clear your throat awkwardly.

“So what'd you learn, boss?” You ask.  His brow furrows,

“Excuse me?”

“HA!” Alana laughs far louder than you were expecting.

“SHUT UP!” You yell, turning around in the front seat to face her as she keeled over laughing at you.  You continue to scream at her and swat her as she clutches her sides and is gasping for breath.  The two of you spend a good portion of the car ride yelling at each other but eventually you turn around and watch as the headlights illuminate the trees and bushes, casting eerie shadows into the forest.

There are no lights anywhere as Kepler turns off the car in the driveway to the cabin which is mostly just a clear patch of grass.  You're almost nervous to get out of the car but he's already out and at the door in a manner of strides, leaving you and Maxwell to get out much slower and grab the food from the back.

“Is he… Mad?” She whispered, the two of you watching as he set about turning on the lights and starting the fireplace.

“Okay this may sound crazy, but when we were driving I could have sworn he looked happy.  Not just like the standard emotion face, I mean tiny smirk and relaxed happy”

“This is weird.  Did we do something?”

“I don't know!  I've got to go hike down to the compound tonight so maybe he was thinking of that”

“Sure you aren't just convinced he spends as much time thinking about you as you do him?”

“You are a tiny witch” you hiss, grabbing a plastic bag and starting out from behind the car.  Her hand grabs your arm and pulls you back nervously, “Alana?”

“I'm just-” she fumbles with her gestures to try and explain what she wants to say, “Is it bad that I feel nervous… Being alone with him and all?”

“Is this about earlier?” She looked to the side, “Is it because he said he's prou-”

“Stop stop stop” she waved her hands, squeezing her eyes shut.  “Nevermind, let's just go inside” she grabbed the remaining bags and made a B line for the door without you.

You come inside a moment later, making brief eye contact with Kepler before he flicks his eyes over to your coat by the door.  Yep, punishment is still on.  You sigh as you gear up for the arduous trek.  Alana is busying herself with making dinner, Kepler has a gun in pieces on the coffee table.  Separate enough tasks, it should be fine enough?  You still don't know why she got bothered and doubt you'd be able to decipher it.

Once you're done getting a second layer of everything onto your body, you head out into the dark abyss of night.  Only getting about ten feet out before a weird feeling overtakes you and you head back, keeping out of sight but lining yourself up against the house so as to peer inside the window.

You don't know what force compelled you to do so, but after only a couple of seconds of watching, Kepler gets up from the couch.  He goes over to Alana, making some comment or another that makes her give a weak and fake smile.  The more he talks the more her body stiffens.  He's oddly close to her, his shoulder brushing hers as he helped to deal with the vegetables she was cutting.  Something was making your heartbeat spike, something about the way Alana was trying to shy away more and more from whatever Kepler kept saying.

She must have hit her breaking point because she puts the knife down and is moving away, a desperate look about her with her eyes looking like they were brimming with tears threatening to fall.  He catches her with only a gentle hand on her shoulder, turning her back around to face him.  He leans in and for a moment your heart completely stops, but he kisses her head.  She removes herself immediately and goes straight for her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.  Kepler has a smile on him like the one you saw in the car and it makes your blood freeze.

You back away from the window and head out into the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Mind reeling, body aching, limbs frozen, just another  _ great _ one AM as you trudge back inside.  You take off your boots immediately, snow having gotten into them and soaked your socks.  Oh yeah, there was  _ snow _ now.  The fire has died down to embers and it does nothing to help penetrate your frozen wasteland of skin.  You don't take off any of your coats, fearing that there was someway you could become even colder.  God willing you would get to lie down, pass out, and never wake up.  Maybe if you got lucky you would die of something other than extreme gut wrenching frostbite.

The door to the room you're sharing with your boss is open, Maxwell's is closed.  All you want to do is cuddle up with your best friend, make her give you her warm spot on the bed, and then cry about how you fell down once and got smacked three times against a tree.  The  _ same _ tree.  But instead you have to deal with your emotional landslide of a relationship with your boss and fall asleep in the most awkward way possible.  Fun.

Your fingers don't even make it to the edge of the quilt when you hear a low voice from the impenetrable darkness.

“If you think you're about to get all the dirt you're covered in on this bed, you will have hell to face” you'd like to remind him you just got back from there but your teeth are chattering too hard to do so.  Kepler gets out of bed and moves to the door, closing it even though there was really no point in your mind.  Well, it freaked you out more, that was a purpose it definitely served.

“Update, it  _ snowed _ ” you chatter, a nervousness like a tickle growing in your chest.

“I can tell, you're dripping” the room is not large, there is the bed, dresser and desk on either side, and then the small bit of rug in front of the bed that you are both sharing the space of.  “Take off everything that's wet, it'll only make you colder” he instructs.

“Can we turn on a light?  It's a little hard to do this blind”

“Your eyes will adjust” so that's a no then.  He must already have his eyesight well dilated because he sets about getting your gloves off with no problem, finding the small strings and clasps with no difficulty.  He uncharacteristically throws them on the floor beside you two.  You try to grasp the zipper for your jacket but your numb fingers more or less miss the target and fail to grasp enough to pull.  He brushes your hands aside and pulls it down with such a force that the sound sends a shiver down your spine.  You're able to shrug it off your shoulders and it drops to the floor too.

Taking a step back towards the wall you try to recover some of your space but find him still far too close to you.  You can't see well enough to see him move closer but you know he does.  There's a heat starting to rise in your chest despite the nearly complete numbness as he removes your clothes.  You move back, clothing drops, he moves forwards.  Over and over till he's pulling your shirt off over your head and your back is at the wall.  This feeling in your chest is nearly overwhelming.   You can tell you're breathing heavier, you bite your lip and attempt to remain calm but it's not enough to keep your head from swimming with want.

He grabs your belt roughly, pulling it swiftly and unbuckling it enough to shove your pants down over your hips.  Of course you have your second layer underneath but it's still the feeling of him aggressively undressing you that has you falling apart.  It's only when he grabs a hold of your actual pants do you actually latch onto his wrists and remove them from you.

“I, uh, hands are, um, warmer.   _ Mine _ , I mean, my hands are warmer so I'm… Good?” By far the most unconvincing sentence of your life.  But he just chuckles, low and amused in a not G rated kind of way.  He moves over to the bed and gets back to his spot.  You would breathe a sigh of relief were he not still just three feet away from you.  You consider yourself to be a very ‘in control of your own body’ sort of person, but there are times when that just falls to shit and you know it.  With any luck you can avoid Kepler from knowing it though.  Getting hard from your boss manhandling you?  Not the best conversation starter you can think of.

You use the darkness to your advantage and strip off your pants and climb into bed without him probably seeing what you were trying very hard to hide in your shorts.  In the bed you thought it would be warm, or at least not have the blankets feel like stiff sheets of ice against your glacier of a body.  Cold against cold for this fucking long had you wanting to cry.

“Why is it so  _ cold?” _ You groan, trying to keep your body from just going into a seizure like set of twitches.  Kepler sighs beside you.

“Daniel, do not talk” you hear the squeak of the bed before you feel him rolling over halfway on top of you, a hand planted firmly beside your head as he looms over you.  You can half see him now in the dark, but whatever emotion he's wearing on his sleeve is absent to you as he runs his hand down your side.  The contact of the heat feels like a forest fire catching along the trail he makes.  Your cells waking up under the heat of him is a cacophony of sensation.  He runs his free hand along your arms, across your chest, down your sides again, and then lightly overtop your thigh only to move straight to your inner thigh, bringing a gasp out of you.

You're horrified by the sound you made, wondering for sure if you were caught now.

“Sir I”

“Do.  Not.  Talk” he reinforces, his voice going up on a level of severity.  You shut your mouth, not saying a word as he got more on top of you, as he grabbed your thigh hard enough to bruise and laughed at the sound you made.  He rolls over more to be further on top of you.  His thigh dragged straight across the growing erection in your pants and it fazed him none in the slightest. Again he brought himself down onto you almost like he was grinding against you.  You have no godly clue what's going on but your heart is beating so fast you fear you may actually die from this.

He moves again and it's such a perfect angle and pressure that you actually grab both his shoulders with your hands in some attempt to make him stop.  You do not want him to stop.  In equal measures you want him to get off and leave you alone but at the same time fuck you hard into the mattress.  You hesitantly take your hands off him, feeling like it’s awkward to touch him even though he's the reason you're breathless and aching.

He's moving faster and you find your hips twitching against him, knowing you're done for.  You want more of him against you, you want him in you, even though you're at your limit it's not enough.

_ “Fuck” _ you hiss and immediately his hand clamps over your mouth.  If you didn't know any better you'd say the extra contact felt like intimacy.  You lose yourself in the heat that seems to swim through your entire body.  After such cold it's more of an addiction than a relief.  Your entire body tenses up against him, a thready moan escaping your lips but muffled by him.  Both your hands grip his arms as if to try and hold you in place as the pleasure wrecks your body.  He must feel your breathing get more labored because he takes his hand off you, allowing you to breathe better as you come down from it all.

He removes himself from you wordlessly.  With the intense haze of your mind clearing you're left to wonder just what the  _ fuck _ was that?  You want to yell and scream and barrage him with questions but you're unable to come up with anything to say.  Instead you close your eyes, wondering how you're ever going to sleep now.  You're out like a light in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is why it's rated M folks. For now....


	6. Chapter 6

You're the last one awake, the smell of coffee and something cooking greeting your nose.  Rising up, you get about halfway through getting dressed before you remember the night before and slam your head on the dresser.  It actually hurt a lot more than you expected so you gave up trying it again and headed out into the main room.

The fireplace was already lit and churning out that sweet sweet heat, there was a mug of coffee at the end of the counter waiting for you, and there was even an egg on toast.

“Morning” Maxwell greeted, sitting on one of the stools by the counter, pouring her second cup of coffee.  You ruffle her hair as a response while you yawn and sit down, staring at the egg.

“Kepler, did you-” you start cautiously, being cut off with a casual,

“Nope” without him even looking up from the file he was reading.  You look at Maxwell with severe confusion.

“You made this?”

“The common response is ‘thank you’” she smiled.

“It's not burnt though, and it actually looks edible”

“I can coo-”

“I watched you catch soup on fire once”

“... I may have received a quick cooking lesson” you look to your boss who refused to take his eyes away from the file, then back to your teammate who was trying to play it off. You are completely shocked.

“I've tried to teach you like, seven billion times!” You yell, throwing your hands up.

“EAT THE FUCKING EGG, DANIEL!” She screams in your face, a red  blossoming in her cheeks.  You shrink back and nervously and take a bite.  She puts herself back together and turns back to her coffee, opening a third cream packet.

“... Could use more salt” you mutter, only to see rapid movement out the corner of your eye before the contents of a creamer exploded in your face.  Maxwell got up with her coffee and stomped away.  You wipe the worst of it out of your eyes and fumble for a napkin to get it off before you got even stickier.  You hear Kepler sigh and see him pinch his brow, deeply annoyed.

“Do you  _ have _ to ruin breakfast?” He finally closes the file and starts toward the couch, only taking a half second to whisper beside your ear, “that's a good look for you though” before continuing on like the world was exactly the same place as before.  You nearly choke on your breakfast.

Eventually everything calms down and you manage to survive your meal.  You sit down by Maxwell and after two dramatic flutters of your eyes she puts her legs overtop your lap and is friends with you once more.  Kepler puts down some files and pictures on the coffee table and sits in the armchair across from the couch.

“Alright, let's get to business” he starts, “The facility is a well defended branch of operations for our main competitor in AI research.  Our mission objective is to collect the data they've stored there and destroy the AI unit”

“Question, why do we need to take apart the AI?” You ask, “Can't we just steal it?”

“We don't have the equipment to transport an AI of this size.” Maxwell began, “While our company makes units for containment that can compress and limit the abilities of the AI, making them easier to store, this company builds them into the integrity of the building.  It would be like cutting off limbs to be able to transport this unit, and there aren't many things that handle that well.  We've explored other options to terminating it since it is a  _ very _ unique piece of equipment, but there's no way around it.  We need the data to know where they're at in their development on an area that Goddard isn't pursuing, it's crucial to staying ahead”

“And that leads us to the third objective, making it  _ look _ like we took their AI to hide the fact that we were just covering our tracks for the data we stole.  As far as we know, they assume that we are doing our own building integral AI system research, so the only thing we could want would be an extra AI since the development time for one of these things is lengthy to say the least.  This extra task will mean that we will need to break into the AI processing room, located on the other side of the facility from the control room where Maxwell will need to go” Kepler moves things around now the table to bring out the blueprints for the building, “Now, the best time to do this is during employee rotation, we will need to acquire three uniforms and slip in with the incoming squad.  This will give us a brief window for Maxwell to get into the control room and do the heavy lifting, while Jacobi and I set up the data transfer off from the main processes and then fake the break in”

“We're fake breaking into a place we’re actually breaking into?” You question, enjoying the irony of it all.

“Our plan is simple, infiltration one will consist of covert entry into the facility to the bunk room where we can get uniforms, that will be my job.  You two will be planting discrete charges along the external power grid on the outskirts of the facility, three in all.  This leads into infiltration two which we can go over later.  Any questions?” The two of you shake your heads, “Alright, with that done let's get to the important bit.  I've decided on the code names for this mission” Maxwell immediately removes her legs from you as you both lean forward on the couch.  “Jacobi will be Boa”

“God f-”

“Maxwell will be corn snake”

“ _ Corn? _ ”

“And I will be king snake” the dead, angry silence hung in the air heavier than lead as the two of you glared him down.  He looked expectantly between you, waiting for someone to voice their protest.  “What?”

“Typical” Maxwell sighed, rolling her eyes and getting up to retrieve her coat.

“Very humble, sir” you get up and follow her out, Kepler turning in his seat to watch you both go.

“What?  It's just a code name!”


	7. Chapter 7

Your name is Alana Maxwell, you are a genius, and you are freezing to death.  These are the only three things you are completely sure of anymore because every synapse in your brain is either frosted over or confused as hell.  Why were you confused?  Because your boss is a sociopath and you  _ know _ what he's doing but you can't do anything to stop it.

“Alana, if you don't look where you're going you're going to break your head open on something and then I'm going to have to convince Kepler to take you to a hospital instead of giving you stitches in the kitchen” you roll your eyes at Jacobi’s warning.  

“My name is corn snake now” you say with as much emotion as a dead cat.

“Yeah I won't be calling you that”

“I just want to live in a barn and eat field mice, Jacobi.  Let me live the dream”

“See, this is why I advocated for random name choices!  The only reason why he's doing this is to spite me!” You step onto a particularly rocky outcropping and jump down back onto the path.

“Maybe everything he does isn't secretly about you” you don't mean as much spite as your words come out with.  He turns around to look at you, a bitter kind of confusion about him.  You have to look away.

“Okay, uh, that came out of nowhere” you stay quiet, crunching along in the snow and forest brush.  “Can we talk?  I feel like you're mad at me”

“I'm not mad”

“Okay but you say that angrily”

“I'm not ang-” you cut yourself off, taking a deep breath and realizing you needed to not act like a middle schooler about this.  You were not back home, this is not how you need to act.  “I am not angry, I am just dealing with emotions that I didn't expect to have” you say as calmly as possible, wanting to vomit.

You notice Jacobi’s body flinch an inch, though you don't understand why.

“And I'm guessing this is because of Kepler?” Your throat suddenly feels very tight.  You're glad that he's walking in front of you and so you only have to deal with staring at the back of his head. 

“It would be fair to say that it is”

“... Well you know, it must be hard getting all that attention” he speaks loudly like he's trying to avoid yelling, the false cheer in his voice barely covering the concealed anger, “Teaching you how to cook, praising the ground you walk on, almost kissing you in the kitchen?  Must really be tough having to be Mrs. Kepler”

“Daniel what the  _ fuck _ !” You stop walking, making him stop as well but only turn halfway to face you, an unapologetic loathing etched deep in his face.  “First of all, what part of lesbian don't you understand?”

“Apparently the part where it's okay to have some weird relationship with him the moment I leave the room!”

“I'm not the one trying to sleep with him!”

“You seem to do a perfectly fine job without trying!” Your mouth is open, ready to scream but there's nothing you can put together to say.  He's so mad, he's never mad, never at you.  You shake your head.  You want to cry but you want to punch him more.  “Just… Tell me what's going on between you two, please” all you can give him is more empty silence.  You don't know, but you do know..  You want to tell him but you can't.  It bounces back and forth in your head like circuitry, one side giving you a 1, the other a 0 as they cancel each other out again and again like broken binary.  “Whatever” he sighs, turning back around and continuing on.  You follow after him, unsure of what else you can do.

The trek is long.  You feel cold inside and out.  With every crunch under your boot you cringe a little more.  When an AI talks to you, you can see the source code, you can evaluate its decision making processes, and you can make adjustments as necessary.  You don't have to talk to fix the problem, you can see it right there in front of you and type like a hurricane til it's all okay.  You think it's cruel of him to assume that just because you're friends that you are normal now and can process things like he can.  He thinks in clusters of information, all variables playing together in one explosive chain of events that turns into a result.  You think in cause and effect, a fundamental ‘if then’ proof.  You suppose this is one of those times your differences divide you instead of complimenting your friendship.

When you arrive at the last hill to the facility, you both hunker down behind sturdy trees and get out your binoculars.  The white camouflage gear worked in perfectly for the dotted landscape, and since the snow was again beginning to fall you knew your cover would be good.

“Okay, I've got the three charges ready, all we need to do is get to those big cubes with all the wires.  I'll go down, you just keep an eye on the patrol and tell me when to start and stop.  Ready?”

“Ready” you've already got your eyes on the guard walking away with his back turned.  Jacobi starts down the slope, moving quickly and precisely despite the equipment you both carried.  He makes it down to the target no problem.  The you've got your radio in the other hand, ready to send him to cover.  “Hold” you hiss, watching as he immediately drops to the ground, the camouflage not blending as well now that you're out of the forest, even if it is mostly white.  A guard from the opposite side of the facility walks by one of the roof lookout walkways.  Jacobi was halfway to getting up the slope when you told him to stop and now he just has to stay put and hope no one takes particular interest in his exact spot.

Your blood runs cold as the guard stops in the middle of his walk.  You're almost completely certain you've been made when he lifts an arm to his face but then you hear the small echo of an even smaller sneeze ring by.  There's a quiet,

“Bless you”

“Thanks, Bill” exchange and then the guard continue on.  You finally breathe again and radio in,

“Continue”

Jacobi makes it back and the two of you change locations without much talking, knowing that if you could hear them, then they would definitely be able to hear you.  The echoing effect of snow was something you had never quiet appreciated.  It just didn't seem like frozen water would be such a good conductor for sound.

The second job goes smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary.  For the third, two guards decided to have a conversation outdoors so you had to hang tight and freeze to death a little less slowly.  Eventually he was able to go down and plant the charge, all the while you kept scanning the facility more frequently because you couldn't shake the feeling you were being watched.

The feeling actually grew worse as the more empty the facility looked.  You began to wonder if you should call him back because it all just began to feel far too  _ off _ .  Then, as twig snaps from been you, you realized with no small amount of horror what it was.  You turned around slowly, dropping the radio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus we meet the main villain of this fic!


	8. Chapter 8

You finish jogging up the slope, finding Alana standing there with her back to you like she was ready to take off running any second.

“You know you could at least answer your radio and talk to me while we're on a fucking mission” you snap, a little concerned that she was angry enough to break professionalism.

“Daniel, be  _ very _ quiet” she hissed through closed teeth.

“Dammit I want to talk about t- oh shit” your voice comes out a small squeak as you stare right into the face of the  _ biggest fucking bear ever _ .  It's paw was the size of your face!  How did they look so small and snugly in the zoo?  Oh god that claw looked like it could scoop out your eye in one fell swoop.

It stood there, glaring you both down as it stood in front of a den of fallen branches and stone.  It actually looked pretty deep but the snow had completely covered it.

“What do we do?” You breathe.

“Back, away, slowly” she began to inch backwards, you follow suit as well even though the bear seemed more focused on you now.  There was a gun strapped to you hip but you were so close to the base you know they would hear it and be on high alert.  Kepler would never forgive you for that.

Just as the two of you were picking your way down the slope, a sharp static feed from the radio on the ground rang out loudly.

“This is king snake, what is your position?”

“Turn it off!” You hiss, noticing how the bear began to growl at the sound, shuffling its huge man slaughtering paws.  She looked between the radio and the bear, then shook her head furiously.  You gave her a sterner look.  Yelling a few silent curses at you, she began to reach forwards towards the radio, eyes squarely focused on the predator.  As soon as her fingers touched the end of the metal the growl became darker and somehow more threatening.  She withdrew her hand quickly, completely terrified.

“If you two are not about to be killed on sight, you better answer my  _ damn _ call” Kepler threatened.  Any other time you would have just been annoyed by his impatience, but now you're  _ really fucking annoyed _ by his impatience.  Maxwell musters up her courage and swipes out, grabbing the radio in one fell swoop.  You were about to congratulate her when the bear decided it didn't like the movement.  It lunged forwards with a roar, reaching back with its massive paw and bringing it down in an arc towards her face.  She fell backwards, avoiding the paw but also falling down into the brush and colliding with a tree along the way.

You make a grab for your gun but the motion is again too fast for the bear’s liking.  You get it out but drop it as it comes at you with open jaws, going straight for your hand.  The bear tracks the motion of the gun falling instead of your hand and you're able to scurry back, getting distance.

You haven't got a clue where the gun is but you get the feeling it's near Maxwell because that's where the bear dives down towards.  Scrambling to your feet you wave your arms widely, shouting for it to come at you.  The bear didn't even care and that hurt a little bit.  However being there put you in the exact position necessary for the bullet fired from your own fucking gun to clip straight through the hulking mass of bear and clip by your shoulder.

At first it feels like someone gave you a hard slap, but as soon as you feel that first trickle of blood it changes into a red hot poker being shoved through your skin.  Gripping your shoulder you fall down, taking deep breaths against the pain.  Your eyes are screwed shut so you can't see it, but you hear a paw collide with Maxwell and then scamper off with an uneven gait.

Deep breath, swallow, deep breath, swallow, breathe out your nose.  You open your eyes and get yourself back on track.

“Alana!” You holler, hoping to god you don't have to drag her ass up the slope.

“Daniel, what the hell happened?” She's clutching her side as she makes her way up but she's moving fine.

“You shot me with my own fucking gun!”

“Well what were you doing in the way?!” There's a sound from the facility, and while you can't make it out you know it's not good.  “Can you make it back to the cabin?”

“Not in time, and if we try they'll just track our footsteps”

“Well we can't outrun them In the woods!”

“Don't worry, do you remember that Dalmatian movie?”

Eventually you skip the reference and tell her to grab one of the pine branches and mess up the footprints in the snow by swishing it around as the two of you backed up into the bear cave which really was actually pretty spacious towards the back.  You tug the debris at the front as far down as possible without bringing the whole thing down.

It's still cold as a freezer in the North Pole, but being out of the wind and snow did a bit to help.  The only problem was that now that you weren't moving and you two were apparently still fighting enough to sit on opposite sides of the den, there wasn't much else to do but slowly lose body heat.

“So, how are you going to explain being shot by a bear?” Maxwell sighed, staring at her feet as she curled up into a ball.

“I thought you were a corn snake”

“I'm serious.  I didn't actually shoot the gun, I didn't get there in time”

“Like hell”

“The claw got hooked at a weird angle and when it stepped down it shot itself in the ear and then it hit you”

“And here I thought you'd relish the day you get to shoot me”

“I'd use a bigger gun” it's a conversation you'd like to say was just like normal, but the bitter tones on you both and the avoidance of each other physically just reminded you that amends needed to be made.  You want to apologize, you really do.  You aren't really mad at  _ her _ just the circumstances that are beyond your understanding.  You want to ask her everything, but you also just don't want to talk about it.  She was logical to a fault sometimes, not able to understand the bigger picture of the imposing forces.  In her mind emotion was a whim and fact was only the physical.  She wouldn't understand why every little thing was being blown up inside your head.

You knew this was something fundamental about her, but you couldn't help but hate her for it.  And yet watching her shiver and pout just made you want to do everything you could to make it better.

“I didn't sleep with Kepler” she muttered, not looking up at you.  Dammit she really was pouting, you didn't stand a chance.

“I know, I didn't even mean it, I was just mad” she looks up at you, you notice now a shallow scratch on her face, her hair running down into her face free of her bun, skin white as a ghost with cold.  “Do I have to roll out the red carpet?  Get over here” you unzip your jacket and there's a flash of a smile on her lips.  She takes off her outer fluffy coat, the long sleeved under armor gear doing most of the heat keeping anyways.  She scoots back till her back is on your chest and you look like a four legged monster between the two of you.  She helps you pull the edges of your coat around her and zip it up, encasing the two of you.

“I feel like a kangaroo” she giggles, the zipper up to her nose, her head low enough so you can rest your chin on it.  You have to blow a couple of hairs out of your way but it's not bad.  You actually feel a little warm now with her there.  Well, your legs are still at risk of falling off but at least your chest is warm.

“Okay that's probably the one code name worse than corn snake”

“We really shouldn't let Kepler come up with them from now on.  I mean, what thirteen year old boy thinks being called a snake is cool?  GI Joe is over, it's time to move on”

“Haha, yeah, uh, so stupid” you laugh nervously, remembering how much you adored the cartoon as a kid.  She quiets down, the mood melting away again.  “I'm sorry for… Earlier”

“No it's my fault, I blew up at you.  I just.. with Kepler it's… I don't know, and that's the problem”

“Yeah, tell me about it.  I don't know how to put this feeling I have into words, it's complicated and unsettling, I haven't felt like this since I was a teenager”

“I understand, he's confusing and it's awful but also… Good?”

“Yeah!  Like, you want whatever it is he's doing but you feel like you shouldn't because you know he's doing it”

“And with the mixed signals”

“And the intensity!”

“And the inconsistency!”

“It's like he's trying to be a-”

“Boyfriend”, “Father” you two speak at the same time then stop in bone chilling horror.

“ _ What?” _ She gapes, turning around minutely to look at you, “You want to  _ date _ Kepler?” She looked like she wanted to scream it till fire came out her throat, “I know I joke around about you two fucking but  _ dating _ him?  Are you crazy?!”

“And what do you mean by father?!” You protest, feeling a little judged, “Kepler isn't old enough to be your dad, and you've already got one!  This is the same guy who let someone try to finger you in a hallway!  What father on the planet lets that happen?”

“He let you almost sleep with handcuff guy!” She countered desperately, “Pretty uncaring for a devoted boyfriend!”

“He hit him in the head with a golf club because of that!”

“Well he was going to torture underwear guy!”

“... Okay maybe this wasn't the best example for either of us!”

“That may be true!”

“We should actually stop yelling, we’re still hiding”

“Right, right” you two took a breather to help keep your tones down.  There was a knot building in your stomach that you knew you could only get out one way.

“So side note, I think I might have sort of half slept with our boss”

“Oh my god” she shrinks down farther into your jacket, covers her mouth as much as she can and then screams in such a pitch you're glad you can barely hear it.  When she rises she clears her throat, “Okay, go on”

“Uh, you okay?”

“Nope, but continue”

“Well, he just kinda- I mean there was his, and I was there, and… Movement?  Okay, think one sided frottage”

“Well now that is a mental image I never needed in my  _ entire _ life.  How did it even happen?”

“He just sort of told me not to talk and went for it”

“You have such a thing for dominant guys” she sighs.

“Hey!” You poke her in the side and her whole body winces.

“ _ Bruised rib, bruised rib _ .  Do not tap the glass, Maxwell is a small-”

“I swear to god if you make one more corn snake joke I'm throwing you back to the bear.  But also sorry” despite feeling bad you're smiling, and you can feel the smile radiating off her as well.  You put a kiss on the top of her head.

“Love you too” she coos.

Suddenly there's shuffling right outside the mouth of the den.  You wrap your good arm around her waist as she pulls out the gun and aims it overtop the edge of the coat.  Your heart is in your throat as you wonder if it will be a facility guard come to torture you, or the fucking bear back for round two.

“Are you two done having a  _ fucking _ moment?” Kepler's face suddenly appears at the mouth of the den.

You both scream.


	9. Chapter 9

The fire burns behind you as you sit in front of your subordinates.  Jacobi looks at Maxwell, Maxwell freightendly shakes her head back at him.  A pile of half frozen clothes lays behind you, their owners now in their underwear bundled up with every blanket you can scavenge.  They are soaking wet, numb in most of their bodies, and completely terrified of you.  You can work with this.

“So, care to explain, the floor is open” they look at each other.  Maxwell shakes her head again so Jacobi clears his throat and tries to get his teeth to stop chatting.

“Sir, I'd like to start by saying that all mission objectives were completed-”

“It's always smarter to save the good news for last, because I'm still waiting to hear the reason you shot a gun seventy feet out from the target”

“W- Well we didn't shoot the gun” Maxwell starts tentatively.

“Don't tell him” Jacobi hisses at her.

“Tell me what?” You smile, sincerely wanting to hear this.

“See,” she looks at him again as he shakes her head at her, “The bear… Did it”

“The bear?”

“Yes sir”

“The bear relieved you of your weapon, beat you up, then shot Mr Jacobi before running away?”

“I mean, it was a little more intense than that at the time” she muttered, shrinking further into the blankets.

“Sir, it was about to kill her, she didn't mean to shoot me” he pipes up, trying to salvage the train wreck of an explanation.

“I didn't shoot you!” She protested,

“Dammit, I'm okay if you did!”

“I didn't though!”

“We have to give him something better than ‘the bear did it’!” They both quiet down as you sigh heavily.  Was it too much to ask that your hand picked team of experts started acting as such?  Granted, it hadn't even been a year since you formed the team, but you hadn't predicted half of what you experienced.

“Regardless of what happened, we now can expect the facility to be more alert.  Also we have the added bonus of dealing with even more snow, which I can tell neither of you have taken well with.  Let's get ready for tomorrow after you two stop dying of frostbite.  I feel no need to remind you that if we botch this this I will be the  _ least _ of your problems.   Now, Jacobi go jump in the shower before you lose your toes”

For a minute you think he's about to argue with you, eyes flicking to Maxwell.  But he resigns, deciding not to pick a meaningless fight and heading off.  It was a hard decision, choosing who to work on more.  Ultimately you knew he would be the easier of the two, so it was better to get more time with Maxwell while she was out of her comfort zone stuck out in the wild.  Since most of her adult life had been spent in some dark room or another staring at screens and talking to computers, you knew that being back in the rustic environment would bring about some emotions.

“So, how bad did he get you?” You ask, meeting her flighty gaze.  She didn't like being alone with you, she didn't like when you tried to get personal with her, and she especially didn't like that she didn't understand your angle.  Was this a problem back at Canaveral?  God no, you were downright chummy on a good day.  Because she understood the roles in the relationship you held, she knew the parameters to work in.  But she didn't know what you wanted by changing it.

“It's not bad, a bruised rib at most” she mutters, a vice like grip on the blankets around her like they were going to fly off.  She's defensive, clear as day, meaning that at least something you're doing is working.  There's a scratch on her cheek, pink and angry with the sudden rush of heat compared to the freezing temperatures outside.  You reach out towards it, stopping momentarily to ask,

“May I?” Because you know she'll give you permission, and then she'll have to know she did too.

“Uh, sure” her voice was smaller now, eyes firmly planted on anything but you.  You take the side of her face in your hand, tilting it slightly to inspect the cut.  You don't really need to see it, you're just biding your time.  Running your thumb across her cheek right beneath the mark, you go to her ear and push some of her damp hair behind it before taking your hand away.

“And your side?” You're actually a tad concerned about that, seeing as how internal bruising or damage was never to be taken as lightly as most action movies would suggest.

She's uncomfortable again but complying.  Opening up the blanket heap she's made around herself, she uncovers her side where you can clearly see bruising and scratches.  Her over arm drapes the blankets over the rest of her body, covering herself up.  You have no intention of seeming like you want to see her indecent, that would probably hurt your cause more than help it.  But if she recognized you as being a straight man and wasn't too bent out of shape about being a bit underdressed, then that was a good sign in your book.  Though depending on how much time she and Jacobi spent chattering away you wondered if she had different ideas about you now.

You wondered if that would hurt or help your cause for her to think you aren't straight but decided you'd rather play it closer to the script.  If her father was as much of a bible thumping preacher as you read him to be then you could take a guess as to what he was like.

Sometimes you don't know how you got so lucky.  One teammate with extreme daddy issues and another with a crippling need for validation.  You couldn't have picked better if they had been handed to you on a silver platter.  Two extremely gifted young adults with malleable morals and insecurities that you could fill the role for any given day.  And they even went to the same damn school.

“Think anything's broken?” You run a finger along one of the bigger parts of the purple and red bruise, causing her to flinch.

“No sir, probably a bone bruise at the most”

“Still, should probably get looked at when we go back to base.  Let's go ahead and patch up the scratches though” the med kit was sitting on the coffee table, you had grabbed it just when you headed out to find your team just in case they weren't already dead from whatever nonsense was going on.

She lets you help put down the antiseptic and bandage her up, taking as long a time as possible.

“This place must remind you of Montana” you start, trying to pick up the conversation you tried to make in the kitchen till she stormed out.  Only now she's a little less able to walk away from you.

“I never lived in a cabin” she said dryly.

“But I'm sure your family went out camping, since it is just about the only thing to do there” it brings a faint smile to her face but it disappears quickly.

“No, the hunting trips were for my brothers.  I didn't want to go anyways”

“Not a fan of hunting?”

“Not a fan of getting drunk and sitting in a cold wooden box waiting for an animal to walk by a lure.  They acted like it made them breadwinners and connected to the land, like I couldn't go to the supermarket and buy a steak for a fraction than the cost of ammunition.  And I never had to go to the hospital for drunkenly shooting myself in the foot” she huffed, that cold disdain soaking her hostility.

“Sounds like you got ignored pretty often” she shuts up, as if remembering she was meaning to hold her tongue when talking to you.  “Oh come on, you don't just wind up with a restraining order because of a single incident, that's the sort of thing that builds after a lifetime of tension”

“You know about the- of course you do.  And here I thought you were just impressed by my great GPA, can't ever keep the second most interesting thing about me a secret I suppose” she's bitter, upset, annoyingly sarcastic.  It makes you smile.

“I'd say it's at least your fifth most interesting thing, you've got some other stuff going for ya” she actually laughs at that.  You're finished with her side so you pick up the blankets and wrap them back around her, completing the cocoon again.

There's a ruckus from the bathroom and the sound of someone possibly falling flat on their face.

“Jacobi?” You call

“Fine!” He calls, a bit too highly pitched, “Just uh, very numb” you roll you eyes, wondering how the hell he managed working for anyone less patient than you.

“It appears as though-”

“Why are you stringing him along?” She immediately asks, cutting you off.  A feat not many people attempt in their lives.  You give her the gift of time for her to consider retracting her question or apologizing outright.  She does neither.  You begrudgingly respect her for it.

“I'm not sure what you're asking me”

“These are thin walls, sir”

“Apparently when he is behind one of them they are.  Good to know.  Is this a concern of yours?” You don't want to keep her at an arms distance with this but it's just not time to stitch the whole thing together. 

“I do happen to care about him”

“I do too, and also about you”

“To be blunt, I don't think you care for me the same way you do him”

“Well now, is it that obvious?” You grin, off putting her deceptive glare.

“No, it's not, not even a little” she admits as you reach forwards and tuck her hair behind her other ear as well, “I don't understand why you're doing this”

“And what is  _ this _ exactly?”

“To Daniel I think you're taking advantage of the fact that you know he's infatuated with you, and to me I think you're trying to…  _ be _ someone” she mutters, trailing off and losing her ability to look at you again.

“Am I doing this to hurt you?” You talk slow, trying not to seem forceful.

“... No”

“Then what am I doing this for, in your opinion?” She's fidgety and flighty, wanting to bound away and avoid confronting you like this.  But for one reason or another she's stuck, needing answers more than comfort.  There's tears welling in her eyes from that lovely hurricane of anger and hurt from years passed, all playing inside her.  You want to hold onto that storm that gives you such purchase in her psyche.

“You either love me, or…”

“Or?”

“Or you hate me in the way only someone incredibly cruel can”

“I don't hate you, Alana”

“I don't think you love me either”

There's a knock at the front door.  You both turn to it suddenly, wondering just what fresh new hell this could be.  You motion for her to stay as you get up, making sure your gun was at the ready, concealed behind your back underneath your thick jacket.  It's daytime but the snowfall has darkened it outside.  All the same you can make out a sheriff vehicle outside and the man in front of your door to be in a hefty uniform.  You don't know what the uniform policies are for this patch of nowhere but it looked right enough.  That's why you didn't trust him one bit.

He knocked again,

“This is deputy Taylor, I'm with the sheriff's department” you take a breath, steeling your act.  Swinging open the door you make a show of shivering from the cold.

“Evening deputy” you greet, expecting an armed squad to burst in at any moment, “What can I do for you this evening?” He takes a slight step inside, getting more into the doorway.  You bet you could swing the door with enough force to break his nose if you needed to.  Or wanted to.

“Sorry to bother you, but there was a complaint of a bear...” he trails off as his eyes become firmly fixed to something inside.  You turn your head and follow his line of sight to Maxwell leaning out from behind the couch.  The half naked, wickedly bruised, and recently crying girl who looked seven years younger when wet, watching with wide helpless eyes.  God fucking dammit.

“You son of a b-” you aren't  _ surprised _ that he decked you square in the face, but you definitely didn't expect for him to move faster than you could stop.  While you don't blame him for stepping up to defend a woman from whatever monster he thinks you are, you are still extremely  _ pissed _ about it.  You know you're not a great guy, but you aren't a piece of shit.  Well, okay you might be, but not because of whatever kidnapping sex slave thing he probably thought you did.

Somehow through the automatic response your body goes though of beating the living shit out of him, Jacobi enters the mix and has the gaul to tear you off him.  That's how the deputy gets a second punch in on you.  Thanks Jacobi, way to have your back.  He's yelling at the deputy, you're ready to knock both of their teeth out, and Maxwell runs up and gets between the deputy and you.  Now Jacobi is yelling for everyone to calm down, you're threatening Jacobi to get the fuck off you or so help you god, the deputy is barking something official, and Alana is just straight up screaming.

There's a growl from nowhere and everyone freezes.  Jacobi and Maxwell turn to each other, pure terror on their faces.

“Was that a growl?” The deputy whispers.  You look over at the open door and see a snout push through.  You drop to the ground behind the counter, your team following suit quickly and the deputy a moment after.

“Nobody move” you instruct slowly.

“It wants to finish the job” Maxwell shakes, color draining from her fast.  The deputy shrugs off his coat and puts it around her shoulders.  You don't know why it pisses you off as much as it does but you feel your fingers curling around the gun concealed at your back.  Jacobi notices this and grabs your hand away, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath that you don't think was flattering to you.

There are heavy paw pads in the living room.  You sneak a peek over the counter but quickly shrink back down.  How the hell was it so  _ big _ ?  Forget guard dogs, people need to start breeding these things.

“Okay, it's back it to us, we can shoot it” you whisper, looking at the deputy expectantly.

“You can't shoot that thing, it's endangered!”

“ _ We're  _ endangered here!” Jacobi hisses, “That thing is evil!”

“He's tasted human blood” she shrinks two inches.

“It probably just smells food, we can wait in the squad car till it leaves” the deputy tries to be reasonable but you just want to shoot him more now.

A low guttural bear groan makes you all wince.  It's walking around the living room, sniffing things and doing other bear stuff.  If it really was looking for food then you were in the wrong spot to be.  There's nowhere to go without crossing paths, but there's a window on the far side that you may be able to get out of.

You motion for everyone to start following you only to stop dead in your tracks, meeting the pair of eyes rising above the counter and towering over the four of you.  All heads lift to meet your gaze, everyone having the same epiphany of ‘oh shit’ just as you did.  There's a piece of its ear missing, and damn does he look pissd about it.  It makes that same huffing sound as before, jumping up onto the counter and leaning down to investigate you all more.

“ _ Shoot it _ ” you hiss to the deputy who is trying very hard to be a statue next to the thing’s massive head.  Could you pull out your gun and kill it?  Yes, but then there'd be  _ questions _ , and between can't keep his mouth shut Jacobi and the world's unluckiest lesbian Alana, you would be lucky if you walked out of this with one of them married to the guy.  Dammit, why did you have to think about things that just made you angrier?

Whatever was on the deputy's head it smelled great to the bear because it's full attention was suddenly on nuzzling his thinning hair.  You swallow down your unease and began edging backwards, getting distance centimeter by centimeter.  Your team starts doing the same, moving as slowly as panic would allow.  You were halfway risen to your feet when you became noticed.

A deep growl that you wished you weren't hearing two feet from your face, rattled through the kitchen.  You imagined that if you were a bear you wouldn't have nearly this much patience.  If your claws were thicker than a shotgun shell you wouldn't be hesitating on ripping faces off.  Apparently that patience had run thin inside the bear too because it hopped down off the counter and started taking bold strides towards you as you backed up with bigger ones.  The window was a clear shot behind you, it was just a matter of getting it open and getting through before you became lunch was the problem.

Suddenly, with a waking lurch, the bear shot out towards you with fangs bared.  It met violently with the ancient cast iron skillet that Maxwell had removed from the wall.  A cringe worthy clang rang out but only made the bear stumble.  Really, your guard dog replacement idea was looking like a million dollar idea now.  Maxwell dropped the pan and immediately dashed out the open from door, having done her job in buying you time.

The window comes flying open faster than you meant it to.  Jacobi is out only seconds behind you, you're about to close it when the deputy comes diving through head first as well.  Shutting the window you hear another deeply unsettling roar like holler from the bear but you don't turn back around to watch him do it.

Maxwell is already in the back seat of the car, gripping the edges of the deputy's coat around her as she shivered mercilessly.  Jacobi climbs in beside her and you take the passenger seat.  The deputy locks the car behind him as he's the last to enter.

“Wow, okay, well I found the bear” he sighed, followed by a laugh, then a groan.  You cover your face with your hands, wanting to strangle someone with them.

“No shit!” Jacobi barked from the back seat, one arm across Alana’s shoulders, her legs overtop his lap.  Usually you'd chastise them, mentally or otherwise, for acting so chummy in front of a potential threat, but at this point you're just hoping you don't lose one of them to exposure.

“What's important is that we're safe now” you and Jacobi exchange a glance in the rear view mirror, a quick and quiet discussion on whether or not you really were.  You notice the deputy also looking in the rear view mirror and you wonder for a moment if he suspected anything, but then you follow his line of sight to Maxwell and the slight opening of the jacket around her chest and the way it didn't quite cover all the way past her hips.  You punch the mirror up to the ceiling without thinking, nearly cracking the glass while doing so.

The deputy chooses to clear his throat instead of confronting you about it.

“Are you alright miss?” He attempts to backtrack to the initial point of confrontation, now looking more than a little stupid for having misread the nature of the situation.

“Before you let a bear into our house?  Yes, perfectly fine.  After?  I'll get back to you on that” had her voice not been shaking between a few octaves you'd almost say it would leave a sting.

“I did not let a bear in, I was unable to close the door behind me at the time!” he protested,

“Because you decided to punch my husband in the face!”

“ _ He’s _ your husband?” Shit, “Then who is he?” He pointed to Jacobi whom she had forgotten was in much more of the husband spot.

“My brot-” the deputy raised an eyebrow, dammit Alana, “-mm nope, uh… Husband?” DAMMIT ALANA.  You had gone over this so  _ many _ times in the car ride over, now was exactly not the time to forget it.  The deputy looked between the three of you, a question not entirely formed yet ready to burst from his lips.

“I'm the guy fucking her husband” you say dead straight into his eyes.  Jacobi chokes on air, Maxwell is gaping in disbelief.  The deputy quickly looks straight forward into the oncoming snow, not looking at any of you.

“Ah, and you all came out here because…”

“We just love the privacy” you smile, turning him a shade, though not as bad as Jacobi having a near breakdown in the back.

“That makes… An unfortunate amount of sense” he nods, both hands gripping the steering wheel for dear life.  He looks deeply thoughtful as a weird silence overtakes the car.  It was almost quiet enough that you could hear Jacobi's psyche unraveling.  “You all wouldn't happen to need a fourt-”

“NO” the three of you say promptly and in unison.  He nods again, making little mannerisms to pretend like there wasn't an uncomfortable tension threatening to start combusting inside the vehicle.

“Okay to hell with this, let's just scare the damn thing” Jacobi reaches forwards and grabs the gun out of the deputy's side holster, barging out of the car almost immediately.  The deputy calls after him and jumps out as well.  You watch them both go inside, Jacobi prowling in with squared shoulders and a walk of confidence you wished would happen more.  It almost made you think you should embarrass him more often.

“Did you really have to say that?” Alana chides in the back, earning only a bustle of laughter you didn't know you had been holding back on.  You exit the car, still laughing.  When you get inside you first notice that there's no dead apex predator on the floor, and also there's a gaping hole in the back door.  A hole  _ through _ the door that was now resting barely on its hinges.  The two of them have their backs to you, staring at the hole like their observation would make something happen.

“Well, looks like you get to continue bear hunting” Jacobi grins devilishly, looking at the deputy who was gaping hopelessly at the unorthodox scene.

“No way, I just came by to warn all the cabins about a bear wandering too close to comfort and a pistol shot that was heard out in the woods.  Y'all wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would ya?” You're about to speak up and save him from whatever pit he was about to talk himself into, when he just genuinely and casually replies,

“You think we would have played hide and go seek with it if we had a gun?  Oh and by the way, you might need this” he hands him the gun by improperly pointing the barrel towards the deputy.  This makes the man jump an inch and quickly retrieve his weapon.

“You should know it's against the law to take my gun”

“Then you better hang onto it so you can enforce it.  Now if you don't mind, I think I'm going to try and fix this thing before we get buried alive in snowfall”

“Sounds fair, don't hesitate to call if you need me to come back and chase it off again” there's this cold fury little grin and nod that Jacobi gives him, “Oh, but one more thing before I go, just for clarifications sake, mind telling me how your lady got all bruised up like that?” There's this smug pitch in his voice, like he's got you all beat now and could save the day and Maxwell would drop lovingly into his arms with legs spread.

To his credit, Jacobi doesn't let it phase him, he just beckons the deputy to lean in so he could whisper in his ear.  You realized that you did not like seeing them that close together.  Not one bit.  Not with Jacobi being uncharacteristically smooth and coy, only to have it wasted on that dope of a man whom you very much wanted to break.  He makes a face you could only describe as horrified in an excited way, a touch of color to his cold sweating cheeks.

“Ah, well, that- ahem, that is definitely… Something.  I will uh, be going.  Do call if you need um, anything, or, uh, anything” he makes his hasty retreat, unable to make eye contact or really even look at you as he makes fast for the door and closes it completely behind him.

You wait a matter of seconds before you turn to your second in command, grinning as he beams, very pleased with his performance just like you are.

“And here I bet you thought I was just a pretty face” he laughs.

“Now why can't you do that whenever I'm around” you slide one of your hands along his waist, moving him backwards towards the wall.  You can feel his breathing quicken already and that knowledge hits your bloodstream like a drug.

“Can't have you actually expecting things from me” his voice has gone quieter and higher as you put him against the wall and yourself, sliding one of your legs between his thighs.  He puts one hand on your shoulder, the other on your chest, as if feeling like he's obligated to try and push you away though no force would come.

You drag your hands over his hips, one finger hooking into his belt buckle to bring him closer to you.

“I expect a  _ great _ deal from you Daniel” you whisper along his neck, finding his earlobe and grazing your teeth along it.  He's losing his composure beneath you, breathing irregular, body twitching for more contact, the inability to put together anything coherent to tell you.  This is exactly where you want him.

Are you infatuatedly swooning over him like he is to you?  No.  But do you want him screaming your name and begging for more as you take him mercilessly? You wouldn't be opposed.

At first you just wanted to mess with him, a sort of wind him up and watch him go game.  But the more you thought about it the more you wondered, why not reap the spoils of your labor?  It wasn't like he was going to leave you either way.  Then when he actually started shaping up and showing potential, that didn't just make him competent, it made him  _ desirable _ .  It was nice to have around, even if he rarely ever lived up to his potential.  So you decided, what was the harm in having a guilty pleasure?  If you wanted something and he was more than willing to hand it over, it would be a waste not to take it.  And being able to reinforce his dependency on your approval, all while getting to scratch an itch you both have?  Could not have worked better if you tried.

You want to strip him down and ruin him here and now, but you are still a very sensible man.  A man who has a sixth sense about when doors are about to open.  You push yourself off him and are already in the kitchen when Maxwell comes in, shivering and in her underwear again which you hand sort of forgotten never stopped being a thing.

“He took his coat back” she said with disbelief, making a beeline for her room where the door slammed shut behind her.

“Should have let me shoot him” you pick up a broken can off the floor, tossing it straight to the trash.

“I promise to let you have your way with the next one”

“You let him punch me”

“He barely tapped you.  Also why did he hit you?”

“Alana decided to look helpless and abused at the wrong time”

“Aww, that's sweet.  Kidding!  Geez quit glaring” and just like that he's back to normal, whatever alluring illusion about him dissipated.

Maxwell storms out of her room, T-shirt and sweatpants unapologetically adorned.  

“Why do I feel like none of this ever happens to you two?”

“You know we do tend to encounter some odd folk when you're around, you ever notice that boss?”

“I think if I go anywhere with either of you something like this always happens”

They bicker and chatter back and forth with you cutting in to add something or break a pointless line of conversation.  It was nice, it was real, it was exactly what you wanted.

With everything finally put away and the whole fiasco behind you, you set about repairing the door since you knew you would be the only one capable of doing something remotely classified as home repair.  You're focused enough on your work that you don't notice the absence of chatter.  Finally you've gotten the hinges back together and a cover over the hole in the door, making your job complete.  Turning around, you're about to set in on the next stage of work when you find them fast asleep on the couch.  Daniel on his back, Alana passed out on top of him, her arm hanging off and hair splaying absolutely everywhere.

You contemplated waking them up as you strode over, never taking your eyes off them.  You could also stop your games and have a normal working relationship with these people, but you weren't planning on doing either.  You take the blanket lying on the backing of the couch and flip it over on top of them.  If making the life you wanted for yourself meant finding a creative solution, then that's just what it would take.

All the deputy Taylor's in the world be damned, they were yours.


End file.
